But I kept busy and I got involved – I bowled (yep, that is right) every week in a league on the base with many other spouses – some weeks my kiddo came with me. But for the most part I never missed a week. It was great fun and knocking pins down when you feel like falling over yourself helped a little. I also had a great friend I call her my sanity keeper live with me for this last deployment. I am not sure I would have made it through without her. Also my kiddo – Lauren was 4-5 this last deployment and knowing that I had to get up everyday no matter what because she was counting on me helped too. But really talking and reading blogs with HWHV helped the most – sometimes they made me cry and most of the time they still do – but I am in love with my husband and yeah things are not great right now – but we will get there. No matter what happens I am keeping the hope for the both of us – because somedays that is all I have is the hope of things getting better.
Somedays I have a little more – a glimpse of the man I married and the family that I fight to see everyday. We added every stressor that we could at the end of this last deployment, and honestly, it was mainly because we are sick of waiting for our lives to start. And that sad part is that now we have to go back and make sure that we all feel like we have a part in this new family life. Every day is still a war – it is just a war with friendly fire coming from the people that I love. We have all lost so much and I fight for our family so that we will no lose anymore. I hope that this helps someone realize that the fight is still worth it. It may be hard and you may not see a light at the end of that tunnel yet – but I assure you it is there and I will continue to fight until I see it.